AT&T Misses Me

Dear AT&T,

I got your email saying that you missed me. Sadly, the feeling is not mutual. I've moved on; I've been seeing Verizon lately, and I have to say the connection has been incredible.

I'd say it's not you, but I'd be lying. It is you. Your DSL is inconsistent at best, and your mobile coverage in my area is sadly lacking. We'll still be seeing each other at home, since there's no one else available there, but that's where the relationship ends. When I'm out and about, I'll be with Verizon. Don't embarrass both of us by making a scene. It won't change anything. I'm just not that into you.

Best, Larry