iPhone Madness

OK, folks, it's over.

Steve Jobs hauled himself back from vacation in Hawaii, which like _totally_ harshed his mellow, and spent an hour or so explaining in front of God and everyone else that the iPhone 4's antenna problem really isn't much of a problem. Well, it's *sort of* a problem, but it's not unique to the iPhone 4, so it's really *not* a problem (like the guy at the dealership said, they all do that). Still, Apple loves you (*they like you! they really, really like you!*) and since they want all you whiny crybabies everyone to be perfectly happy with this totally awesome phone that's like, life-changing and stuff, and totally cool, they're going to give away free cases to everybody who's bought an iPhone 4 until September, when they'll presumably introduce some kind of fix or mod that, uh, takes care of this, um, non-problem. Or something.

Got that?

Good. Now, I'd like to say something about the whole debacle.

I don't care. Get over it. Grow up. Get a job.

You see, there is a whole host of reasons why I'm not particularly interested in an iPhone anymore, and the antenna issue is about the least important of them. You could start with the network (AT&T is bloody useless in half the places I find myself during the day), move on to the whole app approval concept (it's my phone and I'll put whatever I want on it, thank you very much) and finish up with Google Voice, or more precisely the lack thereof (want it, use it, love it, gotta have it). And did I mention AT&T sucks? Well, it does.

So when a bunch of overpaid tech journalists and self-important bloggers start in on what a _horrible_ problem the iPhone's antenna is, and how Apple needs to recall the whole lot of them, and give everybody a free case and solve global warming and plug the leak in the Gulf while they're at it, my response is "meh." You're having a First World problem. Go climb in your Priuses and drive to Starbucks and commiserate over a couple Grande White Chocolate Caramel Mocha Cinnamon Orgasmaccinos, because I don't care.

Look, here's the deal: Apple generally makes nice stuff. If the iPhone 4 works for you, use it. If it doesn't, go get a different phone. There are lots of them out there, including some very nice Android phones. Get an Evo, or a Droid X, or a Nexus One or an Incredible. And if you can't bear the thought of being torn from Apple's loving embrace, get a case--ANY case--and slap it on there. Yes, it'll cover up the neat little metal strip that runs around the phone, but you'll be able _to make calls._ (And what's the big deal about the metal strip anyway? I had a Cowon iAudio X5L that had a metal strip around it, and it looked like it was designed by East Germans. There is truly nothing new under the sun. Sheesh.)

Of course, if none of this soothes your damaged and fragile soul, you can always think about the gear you were using ten years ago--massive and bricklike phones, computers that were beige plastic boxes connected to boxy CRT screens, pagers, cameras that required film, and maybe even a Sony Walkman. Now consider that most any smartphone you buy today, including the iPhone, not only functions as all of the above, but is likely to be smaller, cheaper, and more powerful than any of them. _And you get to pick exactly the one you want_. Got a flawed one? Pick another one.

And that, my friends, is why I love living in the 21st Century.