Oook ook oop OOK ook ook I'm starting to suspect that they only give us the bananas that don't pass quality-control for supermarket sale. ookookook Hey, cool…a tire on a heavy chain, suspended from a thick iron pipe, over a barren concrete floor. Just like I used to have back in the jungle, the place from which you stole me when I was an infant after you shot my mother. Thanks. Thanks ever so ****ING much. (Jerks.)…Man, I really, really want to try on the cowboy hat that fell into the enclosure. But if I put it on, the video is probably going to be all over the Internet and then the keepers will make me wear it all the time. Surrrre. Go ahead. Keep rapping on the glass and making stupid faces, mister. One day I'm going to smash out of here and ram this tire so far up your ass that every time you smile it'll say “Goodyear.” You know, if you'd started off by teaching me the sign language for “Shut up and leave me the hell alone” we could have ended this research project three years ago.
This is just a small part of the brilliantly warped Andy Ihnatko's blog post today.1 Don't just sit there, go read the whole thing (all the way to the end, where you'll find out what it's all about). And follow him on Twitter while you're at it. *If you don't know who Father Coughlin was, read all about him here.
No longer available, sadly, due to Posterous being gone, but I'm leaving the post up anyway.